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Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Plastic Wives


Frances Marques holding her labia in a jar
labia in a jar
Frances Marques getting a botox injection on Plastic Wives
botox injections
In an earlier blogpost of mine I mentioned how I'd tune in to see a new show such as 'Plastic Surgery Housewives.' Lo and behold, TLC has just announced a new show starting January 27th: Plastic Wives.This series will focus on the frivolous lives of four Beverly Hills mannequins women who are married to the most successful plastic surgeons in Hollywood, and document their ongoing beautification at the hands of their husbands.

The newspaper article introducing this new program includes the above photo of Frances Marques holding up a keepsake in a jar - her severed labia bathed in pickling juice, taking on a life of its own. 'It looks better in the jar,' she says, 'rather than hanging down there.' In spite of all the parts this bashful woman had redone ('from here to my camel toe') in order to keep her husband, he still left her for a younger woman. Perhaps he tired of seeing her flabby labby on the dressing table.

Veronica Matlock's husband do work on a vaginaAlso 'starring' on the show is Veronica Matlock, who calls her husband 'The Vagina Man.' He's a real pussy. As part of his charm, he concedes 'I don't recognize people by their faces.' Frankly, I've always been puzzled by men who specialize in women's vaginas.

Also featured is Dayna Devon, a neurotically insecure former Extra! presenter who is filmed on the show getting botox injections. At the age of 40 she says that she's reached her 'shelflife' and as she'd like to keep working for a few more years in the biz, she feels the need for plastic surgery. Here's a tip Dayna - you won't look better after botox and lip injections, believe me.

A lot of this show takes place in the operating rooms of their husbands, so if you're squeamish about needles and flabby labia majoras, this isn't for you. Even the most reality hardened television viewer might find it hard to stomach. It's plastic surgery pornography in its inception as I'm sure there will be more shows of this ilk on their way. This show is so bad it makes Keeping Up With The Kardashians look like Masterpiece Theater.

At one time in Hollywood, no one would admit to having had any work done. Now, it's as normal as buying a used Buick Sierra. Washed-up television stars will do anything to renew their former five minutes of fame.














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